My Daybook - August 31, 2009

For Today... Monday, August 31, 2009

Outside my window... it is perfect -- sunny and 70 degrees, a bit autumn-ish.

I am thinking... about how much fun we had at the MN State Fair yesterday. The bigger kids are old enough and The Baby is young enough that we were able to stay until dark for the first time! I really enjoyed the parade, the baby animals, the giant slide after dark, and (of course!) the food!

I am thankful for... the fact that I opened and unpacked the last box from our move (in November!) The basement is almost done!

From the school room... a disaster! I can't believe we're supposed to start our lessons next week. I've spent so much time in the basement lately, I have a lot of catching up to do this week.

From the kitchen... hmmm... that's a good one. I need to get to the grocery store. What are we eating tonight? I still have a whole thirty minutes before the scrounging begins!

I am wearing... jeans, tennis shoes, and a coral T-shirt.

I am creating... my first Daybook entry! To see others, visit here.

I am going... to take all three of the older kids to their dance lessons tonight.

I am reading... Parenting with Grace. Again.

I am hoping... I can get the bare minimum done in order to start our school year next week.

I am hearing... The Baby fussing -- I'm guessing she flipped herself over onto her tummy again, figured out she doesn't want to be on her tummy, and is frustrated that she can't flip back over to her back. (I was right ... time for a change of scenery ... now she's in her saucer ... all is quiet.)

Around the house... the basement is almost done, but in the process the school room looks like a tornado hit it. The kitchen floor needs to be washed AGAIN! The kids have done a superb job (!) keeping their rooms clean since we deep-cleaned and organized a few weeks ago.

One of my favorite things... order! Enough said.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Finish the basement (today!) Organize the school room. Get lessons ready for next week.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

Gotta love the State Fair!

Thursday Thoughts from Cardinal Joseph Mindszenty

I originally wanted to name this blog Building Cathedrals, based on one of my favorite quotes:

The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body.... The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. They cannot share in God's creative miracle to bring new saints to Heaven. Only a human mother can. Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other human creature. God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation.... What on God's earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother. (Cardinal Joseph Mindszenty)

But that title was already taken by seven young Catholic mothers, friends from Princeton, so I went with my second choice (but I really like it, too).

The quote has always been a source of encouragement for me. It is on a bookmark I use in whatever parenting book I am currently reading, to remind me of why I'm reading it.

Some time after I received this bookmark, the analogy likening raising children to building cathedrals became even more explicit when a friend sent me the following story (apparently the author is unknown):

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30 , please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read -- no, devour -- the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals -- we have no record of their names.

(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

So, to all of you mothers who sometimes feel invisible, take courage! And keep building!

Baby Flips!

Yesterday was a big day for The Baby -- she rolled herself from her back to her tummy for the first time! She's still working on how to get her arm out from under her and back in front where she wants it though.

Weekend Update - New Words, New Art, and New Music

Well, I didn't finish the basement. It turns out the second half requires a lot more work than the first half did. There are definitely more half-unpacked boxes in the second half! I spent as many hours down there as I did last weekend, but it looks worse than it did when I started. (Although my dear husband assures me I am making progress and reminds me how easy the next move will be with everything so organized. He even took time out of his writing to run to Target to buy me about twenty large plastic bins to aid in the organization process, as things were starting to get damp and smell of mildew in the boxes, and we definitely don't have the room to unpack everything.)

The Boy was especially happy with the progress I made because I found a bunch of his toys that have hitherto been buried. He was happiest about his cars, but his hammer was a close second.


When he wasn't racing his cars around, he was happily "hamming" away -- what a great onomatopoeic verb!

(Which reminds me of some other words The Boy has invented along the way. Some of my favorites have been: the "comfterble": that thing on your bed that keeps you warm and comfortable at nap time and at night (aka as a comforter) -- the "giving room": the room of the house where one "gives" of his or her time to other members of the family and guests (aka a living room) -- and the "pahcuter": that thing mom is always sitting and typing on (aka a computer).)

After spending all day Saturday in the basement, I needed to leave the house on Sunday. We found a new place to visit -- Caponi Art Park. There are hiking trails and a sculpture garden and an outdoor theater. The sculptures in the garden weren't exactly "my cup of tea" (as Gramma would say), but some of the landscaping and architecture were fun.


The mosquitoes just about carried us away, so we didn't spend a lot of time in the woods.


But the outdoor theater was excellent! After escaping the woods, we were quite early for the evening's event, so we enjoyed a picnic dinner and a chapter of The Last Battle, the final of the Narnia series. The setting reminded me of the ruins of the amphitheater in Pompeii. The Art Park hosts various events, including a Shakespeare weekend and a Medieval Fair, that we are excited to attend in the future.

Last night the Park hosted a performance by Zeitgeist, a music ensemble comprised of two percussionists, a pianist, and a woodwind player (what do you call someone who plays a woodwind instrument!?!) Anyway, Zeitgeist is all about "new music." Personally, I prefer the old stuff. My husband and I joked that it had a high "twitch factor." After a long day, or a sleepless night, loud noises, including overenthusiastic children, cause me to twitch (in a joking way, as if I'm on the verge of a breakdown). We are not music experts, so we judge music according to "the twitch factor." We prefer music that calms to music that causes us to twitch. But it was a great opportunity for the kids to experience live music, in a beautiful setting (and it was free!).

This week, the plan is to stay on top of my work, spend a couple hours each day in the basement, and start getting things ready for the new school year. My hubby is planning on working three long days writing at the library, in the hopes of making his Friday deadline by Wednesday. If that happens, we will celebrate by getting the tent out for the first time this summer (!) and heading North. Wish us luck!

Quick Takes - Volume 1

--- 1 ---

This is my first Quick Takes. I've seen other bloggers use it, and I like the format. Thanks to Jennifer at Conversion Diary for hosting!

--- 2 ---

The kids just finished their second of two weeks of swimming lessons. They have all been very comfortable in the water, but have never taken formal lessons.

The Boy's big accomplishment was jumping into deep water ("without water wings, Mom!!!").


The younger of The Girls finally learned how to stay afloat on her back.


The older of The Girls really enjoyed the aquatic climbing wall. (What a great idea!)

--- 3 ---

Guess what they're doing? (Answer in next post!)

--- 4 ---

The Baby had her first book read to her yesterday. Her sister read her Angel in the Waters. What an appropriate first book! And how sweet!

--- 5 ---

We decided earlier this year not to take any major trips this summer, in order to maximize my husband's writing time (he's GOING to finish his dissertation this year!). Instead, I signed the kids up for a bunch of different camps.

In June, the girls attended horse camp for the first time. They had expressed an interest a couple years ago. I told them, thinking it was a phase, to start saving their money because horse camp was costly. They didn't spend a dime of birthday or Christmas money in two years and saved the half ($150!) required of them to attend. They had the time of their lives and are already saving for next year.

--- 6 ---

There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on my calendar for next week! All summer camps and lessons are over. It is summer break for the dance school. Fall activities haven't started yet. What will I do with myself? More importantly, what will the kids do with themselves? I plan on getting things ready for school to start. I have a feeling the kids will be only too happy to play at home for a week without interruptions.

--- 7 ---

We had planned on taking a camping trip this weekend, but my husband is behind on his writing deadlines and I am not ready for the school year, so instead this weekend, I will be tackling the second half of the basement.

Thursday Thoughts from Maya Angelou

I have a quote from Maya Angelou's autobiography on my fridge. It reads:

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

It is meant to be a challenge for me.

I think of the times we're snapping at each other around the house, and then visitors come over and everybody puts on a happy face. Or I'm crabby with the kids in the car, and then I walk into the store and am the nicest person in the world to the clerk and other shoppers.

Why is it I can suck it up for others, but not the ones I love the most?

Recently, my husband and I were watching an episode of The Waltons (the best TV show ever made!) on DVD. John Boy was having a bad day and snapped at his mother, who replied, "Are you angry with me, John Boy, or am I just handy?" What a great line! And likely the reason our loved ones are subject to the brunt of our bad moods -- they're just handy, they live with us.

But therein lies the challenge. And the call to holiness.

At our house, my dear husband gets the shortest end of my stick.

He works hard all day and comes home to find ... peace and tranquility? I wish. Maybe someday. We'll keep working on it.

After dealing with small crises all day, I am usually completely worn out by the time the dinner hour arrives (also known as "the witching hour" around here). My ability to communicate effectively has nearly diminished. My patience is gone. All I want is the kids in bed.

This is what my husband walks into most nights. And most nights he steps right into the pandemonium to relieve me. And after working just as hard as I do. All day.

My hubby rarely gets my smile, my best attention, my best energy, my best anything. He gets what's left of me at the end of the day. And sometimes that isn't too pretty, or easy to live with.

And he never complains about it. And he still loves me. And THAT brings me great JOY.

So, sweetie, this smile's for you! I love you!

The Water-mill

As I was correcting reading assignments from last year (another item on my to-do list mentioned last week!), I came across this poem in one of the girls' readers. The author is not named.

Listen to the water-mill;
Through the live-long day

How the clanking of the wheels
Wears the hours away!

Lazily the autumn wind
Stirs the greenwood leaves,
While in the fields the reapers sing,
Binding up the sheaves.

Then comes this saying to my mind --
A saying true to the last --
"The mill will never, never grind
With the water that has passed."

Take this lesson to yourself,
And study it through and through;
For golden years are fleeting by,
And youth is passing too.

Learn to make the most of life,
Lose no happy day;
For time will never bring you back
The moments thrown away.

Leave no tender word unsaid;
And love while life shall last.
"The mill will never, never grind
With the water that has passed."

Work while yet the daylight shines,
Man of strength and will!
Never does the mill-stream glide
Vainly by the mill.

Wait not till to-morrow's sun
Beams upon the way;
All that you can call your own
Lies in your to-day.

Clear mind, strong body, youth and health,
May not, cannot last;
"The mill will never, never grind
With the water that has passed."

How many times have we, as parents, marveled at how quickly our children grow? at how fast time flies? at how each passing year seems shorter than the one before?

I am trying (oh, how I am TRYING!) to embrace each moment, not just survive each day. I am trying to overlook the things my mind tells me NEED to be done, in favor of the things my children's hearts are aching for: mom REALLY listening, hugging, tickling, playing, cuddling, teaching, and working alongside them, not in spite of their presence. Sometimes I succeed; more often I fail. But striving to live life thus intentionally means the more I remind myself of what is REALLY important, the easier it will be for my will to choose that good.

And, in that, I find great comfort. And hope. And JOY.

Lord, help us all to learn to make the most of the life You have given us. Teach us to leave no tender word unsaid and to love while life shall last. May we persevere in our work while the daylight shines, and rest in You when evening falls. Amen.